Move In Progress: threetimesmybody.tumblr.com





I shall leave this blogpage up anyway, should anyone wish to wade through my disgustingly long archives.

A goodbye post shall be next.

I am too flippant for my own good.


Perhaps I do not want to borrow that from you tomorrow because then i'd end up chained to that escape again. Is that what i want? It sure feels good but i'm sure it isn't.

NIKI'S HOUSE WAS FUNNNNN. more fun than i thought it would be (: that'll teach me to think like a spoilsport hahah! (my contacts didn't flare up)

I think one of the main reasons i put an end to it was that i couldn't figure out why you pushed certain people away but drew others in. I hope it all works out for you someday (:

my acoustic suddenly sounded like magic in Niki's house. Maybe it was the lights, or the aircon or something. I hope i can get it to sound like that again. Timo agrees!

(: (: (: happy but my ear burns.

i should never have doubted you. It was a really foolish, selfish, conceited thing to do.

i'm so so sorry :( though you'll never know that i even doubted you to begin with.

Come to think of it all my thinking these past few days has been so foolish. This is why you should never trust your feelings.

(although I can't deny i loved how it felt)

for the first time the sun amidst the clouds was mine and mine alone (: a step at a time.

there is a song i've learnt that explains everything in the best way possible.

also, there is a world full of colour i'd like to throw you into.

but i'm scared that it'd be just like before, that i would end up putting all this on the line only to land smack dab on my face. Would it be like this?

i shall choose to believe it won't.

but yet something gnaws at me when i see all this. but it's just me (:




on a side note, the first nick jonas song i'm proud of listening to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qQ3Sz0IMmE&feature=fvst

i'm the one on the right.


(:



as i began to listen to crazy nights again today i suddenly saw that picture of that sunset which you told me about in our first or second conversation and which we later laughed over with bears and climbing in the dark and getting pushed off and i remember smiling like a fool and i was, for just a few moments, completely and totally honest with myself. it seeps in slowly, that feeling of emptiness but when you realise it's there it's like nothing else.

like i said, a clarity moment.

edit: for the first time in months, i feel free. Your place has been usurped.


edit: i am truly fascinated by my state of affairs right now. all it took was 15 seconds. Or less.

why why why why do you always turn up somehow even when i do not want to see even a trace of you around, oh my trusted friend? all the reasons that hid themselves previously are now slowly coming back to life.

although it's not your fault.

but i still don't like this ):

it's my fault oh yes it is. you remind me how lousy i am at this ): and your successes scare me.

I'm just jealous.

To the one who stared furtively downwards at the ground while i struggled to find something to say, to hang in the air to make something out of all the time we had spent: i'm glad that it ended well at least. Well it's not that I have nothing to say but everytime i try to speak my mind i am filled with a terrible fear that it would make things worse somehow, although i'm pretty sure it wouldn't be that way, as i learnt with much happiness that day at that playground. Something's in the way of this, because I know that what this is is definitely not me. Perhaps it is the fault of experience, experiences that build walls all around me but one day when i finally manage to tear these demons away you shall see me for who i truly am. That day shall be a glorious day to behold.

it was a wet day.

as i sat talking to m about life, i realized two things:

1) only god can solve the biggest problems

2) we are not glorious champions when we come to an issue by ourselves