c'est la vie/ vive la liberté

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdVKYwJMxDA

last night i promised myself once the song was done i'd stop trying for good. no good moment lasts forever (here on earth at least), be it that moment on saturday morning when you wake up and for a few seconds don't know what you're doing or where you are or anything else except that you're safe and warm, or that moment where you're watching the sunset and everything just feels fuzzy and fine. and by the time i recognise this moment it's gone.

i guess that's the way life goes. but now the rock candy's melted and i honestly, honestly am capable of not giving a damn as to how things will work out because it's never turned out well when i put my soul into it (not that it was ever promised to me that it would but i somehow had some mad foolish hope that it would). it was when i began to think about what i was really feeling that i realised how twisted this whole thing was in my mind and that once again i was terribly wrong.

and if you in any way cared about any of this in the slightest i don't care, because you never at any point even felt that it would be worth it to show that you did. (see how selfish i am! i wonder if that means i've grown but it sounds so incorrect)

maybe perhaps in the future things will work out for the better, but as for now i cannot and will not fall back into the hole i dug for myself.

I am determined to leave you and all the hours we went through in the light. where things are gently preserved in the past. they'll eventually take on a musty pale glow of nostalgia, never despairing in what could have been but instead rejoicing in whatever had transpired, lived, breathed, existed and oh! the joy i shall forever derive from reliving those moments.

but in the present we live in, i shall waste no time remaining in our lives together.

goodbye! and fare-thee-well, undecided one who is always out of our grasps.

and i will wait to find, if this will last forever
and i will wait to find, and it won't, and it won't, and it won't
and i will pay no mind, worry about no rainy weather
and i will waste no time remaining in our lives together